Rule No. 21: You can't mess up tilapia if you broil it.

The Washington Post wrote an article several years ago saying chefs sniff at tilapia because it's a flavorless fish that home cooks like because it's mild and doesn't have that strong fishy flavor of an orange roughy, for instance.

I plead guilty to that. One, who buys orange roughy at the grocery store? Do they even sell it there? Two, tilapia is cheap. Three, it's easy to cook. Four, f--- you, Food Editor, let me cook what I want.

Five steps to great tilapia:
1. Put fish on a broiler pan, making sure no piece touches the other.
2. Squeeze half a lime over the fish.
3. Salt and pepper the fish. (If you have it, just use lemon pepper. It has salt and peper in it.)
4. Drizzle (translation: pouring with your finger at the top of the bottle) olive oil over the fish.
5. Broil it for 12 minutes.

After 12 minutes, check to see if the oil has turned golden brown. If it has on all the pieces of fish, you're done. Enjoy, and write a nasty letter to the Post.